Z., & Davari, M
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As soon as you open it, you can smell that it is not a soft mainstream blend
You know they only fight occasionally On Groundhog's Day she lets us know he's a jerk You know they only fight occasionally On the 4th of July they drown out the fireworks You know they only fight occasionally Copyright 1992 Steve Goodie ASCAP CLOSET HETEROSEXUAL I met a girl, she played the saxophone I told her I loved her, she told me to leave her alone She played in one of those bars where men didn't come I came anyway, I was just looking for fun She said that she didn't like men She said she was a lesbian Now her friends said it was cool, some said it was mod Some even called it avant garde But I didn't care, I kept hanging out She got one of the bouncers to come kick me out Now the bouncer was mean, a three-day beard on the face Six foot three, her name was Grace But I didn't care, I couldn't take the hint Because I was completely convinced She was a closet heterosexual, I know that she really liked me Closet heterosexual, heterophobic as can be Closet heterosexual, I know that she really liked men Closet heterosexual, cause being a lesbian was in Well I came back unrecognized Cause I was wearing a disguise The saxophone player she had that look in her eyes She bought me a drink and then she listened to my lies She came home with me, but she wasn't what she seemed Cause oh what a mess, under that dress my princess was a queen Out of the closet heterosexual, he thought that I really liked men Back in the closet heterosexual, too many roosters, not enough hens Closet heterosexual, he ran out the door, and that was okay with me Closet heterosexual, he threatened my masculinity Copyright 1988 Chris Chandler, Sukey Smith, and Steve Goodie ASCAP IN A WAFFLE HOUSE IN ALABAMA I had to get to Nashville, I was driving through the night Coming in from Mobile, I stopped in for a bite My ex-wife had my money, but I needed to be fed I had to cut some corners, or I wouldn't have been caught dead In a Waffle House, particularly in Alabama It'd been one year since she left me, and today had been kind of rough It was a special anniversary, of the day she took all my stuff I was looking at the menu, and the lovely pictures there The waitress said "Welcome to Waffle House, can I take your order?" And I looked up and stared at my ex-wife, working in a Waffle House In a Waffle House in Alabama I just sat and stared and stammered Revenge don't come much sweeter than that I wasn't quite good enough for her And now she's cleaning up for sure Wearing that stylish apron and a paper hat She realized it was me, she knew she couldn't run I just smiled and thought to myself, "This could be fun" I said, "How's your friend, you know, that big old biker" She said they'd broken up, as she wiped off the formica In the Waffle House in Alabama I said, "You're looking well, do you make some good tips?" Her look told me to go to hell, but not a word passed from her lips So I ordered me a waffle, and some coffee and some juice And I thought, "I'm glad the Waffle House has found some kind of use For my ex-wife." Cause I sure couldn't In a Waffle House in Alabama Wishing to hell I had my camera Revenge don't come much sweeter than that She left me for another lover Now she's serving 'em scattered, smothered, and covered Wearing that stylish apron and a paper hat Soon after she'd taken it all and split It seems that biker ran off with it Now she's frying up bacon, serving up spam To truckers and bikers in Birmingham "You want grits with that?" I felt a little sorry for her, just the teeniest bit And I figured I should leave her, a real nice tip So I got me a napkin, and I proceeded to write "Next time don't leave a good man for a looser with a bike or you'll end up..." In a Waffle House in Alabama You got what you deserve goddam ya Revenge don't come much sweeter than that Her brand new lover took all her junk Now she's serving 'em scattered, smothered, and chunked Wearing that stylish apron and a paper hat Wearing that stylish apron and a paper hat Copyright 1992 Steve Goodie ASCAP BONEHEADS ON MY TV There's boneheads on my TV Ah-ooh Boneheads talking to me Ah-ooh Their numbers have grown so fast Who gave them license to broadcast There's boneheads on my TV Ah-ooh There's Rush Limbaugh Biggest pig I ever saw With a hundred copies of his book on the shelf Into my living room every night Comes the fascist religious right No one loves him more than himself Rush thinks he's so darn important An American Hitler, fattened and shortened So seemingly omniscient He isn't He thinks being famous makes him significant And smart and apropos Oh no But Pee Wee had a show too, you know On my TV I would sooner See old Morton Downey Jr
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